The Writing Coach

On visiting Derek Jarman's Garden

There are times, I think, in every writer's life, when inspiration feels in short supply, when everyday events take over and fresh input is needed if we're going to thrive creatively. I hit this point a week or so ago and we took a decision to get away. We are now staying in Rye, on the South Coast of England, a town I last visited as a child of eight years old, a place that held strong personal memories. My family is sleeping as I write.

I knew, when we set off, that I wanted to visit Derek Jarman's garden at Dungerness, a pilgrimage I've desired to make for some years (yet have always somehow put off). So it was a thrill, today, to finally visit the landscape that I'd first read about eight years ago when researching my novel 'Bluethroat Morning'.

I've long admired Howard Sooley's photos of Jarman's garden. For those not familiar with the garden, the British filmmaker Jarman called his garden 'Paradise' yet it was planted in a landscape that some might consider more of a hell than a heaven - in the 'flat, bleak, often desolate expanse of shingle that faces the Nuclear Power Station in Dungeness, Kent'. Spurred on by a true personal vision, his painterly eye and strong ecological conviction, Jarman tended the garden from 1986 until his death.

It is difficult to begin to express the intensity of my experience today, on visiting the garden. Suffice for the moment to say that it has strengthened my conviction in the necessity and power of art, of beauty and the individual vision of each human being. I am, I admit, in pensive mode right now. How could I not be? I've begun each day of the school Easter holidays by remaining in bed with Louis Fischer's 'Life of Mahatma Gandhi'. It is difficult not to question one's own motives, the values of one's own actions, when considering a life as meaningful as Gandhi's. The effect of Jarman's garden on me, however, has been to remind me that one does not have to change the world in huge ways to make an important impact. Jarman's faith in nature, in beauty, in the power of the human spirit, in love, in poetry - all these have a huge impact on anyone who visits this garden or simply reads Jarman's words and views Sooley's photographs in the book 'Derek Jarman's Garden'.

The industry versus ourselves

Several of my writer friends, of late, are veering away from writing - finding other activities that stimulate them as much, if not more - activities which they find more empowering.  We had a long discussion tonight about the sense of powerlessness many writers feel.  Being published doesn't change this.  As writers going down the route of traditional publication, we are effectively on the bottom rung of the publishing ladder.  Even when writers are paid vast sums of money for their work, they may still be kept in ignorance about the machinations involved in promotion and publication. 

You might say that in choosing to coach writers, I too have veered away from writing.  In fact, it's not that simple.  The truth is, I don't want to be powerless.  I don't want my fate to be decided by what others do with my books.  One of the reasons I began coaching was because I wanted 'people-contact'; I was tired of the solitude of the writing life.  But a wonderful by-product of coaching has been that I've learned about business; I have, if you like, become entrepreneurial.  And I've discovered I like being in business, because, guess what, it's not disempowering.  I find, with my business, that what I put in is what I get out.  Whereas with writing, it's not such a simple equation.

Authenticity

Oh, this 'authenticity' word is getting to me.  When I say 'getting to me', I don't mean that it's bugging me, I mean I am bugged by the concept:  by the need to be authentic.  And I struggle with it, daily.  I have found authenticity here today and I am at once inspired by the work of fellow creativity coach Fiona Robyn and frustrated at myself for having lacked authenticity of late.   Her latest post totally resonates with me, having also, recently, created space in my life.  I have signed up for Fiona's newsletter and look forward to reading the back entries.

It's odd, for the last couple of years I have struggled with the concept of being at once a writer and a coach, because of the false values I felt people attributed to coaches.  And I still struggle with a desire to be a 'serious' artist, as if, for some crazy reason, the fact that I like to share what I've learnt, somehow makes me less serious.  It doesn't, of course, but I still 'angst' about it; and I couldn't be authentic as a coach if I didn't admit to 'angsting' sometimes.

Only a couple of days back, I fell into the  trap of being the coach I never wanted to be.  But it was simply a matter of projecting a version of myself that wasn't true, and having made that mistake, I won't make it again - and for those of you who have an inkling what I'm talking about, then shall we simply call it a steep learning curve?

Tomorrow, I want to write about my new teleclasses - and what they are really about.  Tomorrow I'll also be involved, in the evening, in an event at Richmond Adult College, so if any of you guys are local to Richmond upon Thames, do come along to the Parkshot Centre on Thursday 6th July for a great Event.  It will be a prize-giving by Broo Doherty, Literary Agent, plus readings from the competition shortlist, plus a panel discussion which I'll be chairing, involving Linda Buckley-Archer, Louise Voss, Stephanie Zia and John Harding, all published authors who studied at the college in the past.  My colleague Sara Bailey will be there too.

On Friday, I'm off to Barcelona...  This picture from a great architectural walk I took when I visited last year.  A friend of mine from University who has a flat there, will be celebrating his 40th birthday.  I can't wait... (and I want a flat in Barcelona too...)  I'm reading 'Shadow of the Wind' to get in the mood...  I'm reminded too that I began the 'Stubborn World' blog shortly after last year's visit to Barcelona; you can read about the last trip and the first ever 'Stubborn World' entry here.  Oh - and you will notice, when you read it - I was angsting about the same thing back then...  Have I progressed?  Well, yes, but let's just say these things take time...