What can you give up in order to create more time to write?

Last week was a particularly challenging week for me.  As several events came together in my personal life and I naturally put family before everything else, I was also forced to confront the fact that my life was too full.  As an enthusiastic person, I am given to saying 'yes' more often that 'no'.  As a result, I was performing a delicate balancing act - combining being a parent, a writer and a coach with two volunteer roles.  I was also squeezing in time with a personal trainer and until recently a weekly art history class.  Occasionally I remembered to breathe.

One of those voluntary roles, as a School Governor, I feel totally committed to.  The other was a role that I'd taken on in a moment of enthusiasm, without really thinking it through.  I realised very soon that it would be difficult to manage it.  Even now that my art history class is no longer running, it still felt like one commitment too many.  But I didn't know how to get out of it.  The argument went through my mind:  'I have children, I have to finish this novel, I have clients - how can I do this additional work as well?'  Yet the people-pleaser in me was persistent: 'You can't let people down like this; you've said you'll do it, you'll just have to get on with it.  Hell, you don't need SLEEP do you?'

It's interesting to me that it was the fear of being seen as a quitter, of letting people down, that held me back from saying 'I'm sorry, I've made a mistake, I can't do this'.  If my Mum hadn't been in hospital last week, during the same week that I'd promised my daughter an 'Alice in Wonderland' party for her ninth birthday party - I might have carried on saying yes.  But Mum was ill and that was my first priority.  Nothing else mattered.  It takes a crisis sometimes for us to realise what is truly important.  So it was a crisis which gave me strength to say 'no'.  I wrote the letter I had to write.  'I'm sorry; I can't do this; somebody else will need to take this role.'  My resignation was accepted gracefully.  It wasn't nearly so bad as I expected.  My Mum is recovering well. The birthday party was a huge success.  And in the weeks ahead, I now have one less commitment on my plate.  I have one less obligation to fulfil.  That means that I have an additional two to three hours each week to commit to my family or my writing. 

The funny thing is, when I had that commitment, I honestly thought that I 'couldn't' give it up.  Why?  Because I don't like to see myself as a quitter.  If I take something on, I like to see it through.  But sometimes we have to be honest, we have to really look at things directly and ask 'Is this absolutely in line with my values?' and 'Even if it is, do I HONESTLY have time for this?' Sometimes I even told myself 'If I don't do this, nobody else will.'  But then I had to remind myself 'If no other mug will do this, why am I?'  In fact, there probably will be someone to take the role - someone who is able to give it more than I ever could.

It's for this reason that I've also decided to take a pause for breath in relation to my 'Don't Forget to Write' newsletter.  I have enjoyed writing this weekly reminder for my newsletter subscribers and I will continue to write my monthly newsletter, but as this blog has been sorely neglected, I have decided to refocus my energies for a while and to write a weekly blog post here instead.  For the next several weeks however, I'll send the 'Don't Forget to Write' subscribers a link to my weekly blog which will have a regular weekly exercise as ever.  Later this year, I will be launching the new 'Writing Coach' website (the current one can still be accessed here) and the blog will become more active still at that stage. 

It is never easy to make changes, to accept mistakes, to realign your actions with your values.  But if we reassess our roles regularly, we can make giant leaps in terms of productivity as writers and we can lead lives that are more balanced and happy.  Here's to those extra two hours of writing per week...

Today's Action:

What can you give up in order to create more time to write?  If the answer is 'nothing', think again.  Important note: don't worry what other people will think about this.  What do you want?

Comments

[Elizabeth Owens]

Life Pruning
I understand and sympathise with your recent conflicting demands. Like most women I know, I also juggle family, work and 'other' commitments. For me writing is a luxury that comes into 'other'. I've realised that TV takes up too much of my precious time,and recently, as I have had a few health related problems such as a strep throat, I have been thinking of concentrating more on healthier living. So I've also pruned out butter and sweets, alongside TV, from my life!
Elizabeth

[Amanda]

Good for you Jacqui. It is so easy to fall into that trap, stretching yourself in every direction at once until you're ready to SNAP!

I had a clarifying moment many years ago when I was overwhelmed with work and my mum died suddenly. I would give almost anything to go back and have time with her. I can't even remember what work I was doing. Mums are what really matters.

[gaelikaa]

It is a wonderful idea. Combine a few things - let your blog post be your newsletter too. You are doing so much for others but you must put yourself first. Thank you so much for sharing and also for reaching out to help others who can benefit from your experience. I hope your mother gets well soon.

Today is my first day to receive your newsletter. I loved it. Thank you. Best wishes with your novel.

[abigail]

Its powerful to read your blog and touching because of its honesty around limitation and fallibility. Its interesting that all human beings seem to share this sense of thinking that they have to do more than they can do. Also that we see ourselves with a judgement that is much harsher than that of our peers, who value that love which shines through our being and into the world. Being in this sense is far more valuable to those we love than anything that we may do.

My issue with writing is not so much one of time but of the emotional challenge it presents, the resistance is there, because it is immensely painful as well as poigniant to write from the depths, beauty seems to be hard won, going into the dark to find truth finely and delicately wrought to bring into the light. If I painstakenly create the space for exquisite tenderness to the wounded fallibility which is mine and all humanity, then passion carves its course like an unstopable river and time takes care of itself!

[Angela]

Thank you Jacqui. Sounds like an earthquake has taken place in your life leaving behind no damage, but a searing clarity. Very, very inspiring and liberating to read. I am proud to have you as my coach.

[Susan Lee Kerr]

Sorry about your mum, and I'm in total accord with your 'too much' experience. 'Too much world and not enough time' I wrote in something when I was 21... and still learning the lesson. Less is more might be another way to look at it. Carry on -- slowly, deeply. Susan

[Jacqui Lofthouse]

Elizabeth, thanks for your supportive comments and good to hear that you're also pruning back aspects of your life, to make time for that 'other' which is writing and to care for your health.

Amanda, lovely to hear from you and thanks so much for your extremely moving words which I know come from the heart and really touched me; I loved your 'I can't even remember what work I was doing' - that hit a chord. Thank you for your generosity in sharing your experience.

[Jacqui Lofthouse]

Gaelikka, thanks for your good wishes and support for my decision and so glad you enjoyed the first newsletter - even in it's new form!

Abigail, I appreciate your reminder that we are harder on ourselves than the outside world ever is. And I do hope that you continue to have the courage to dive into your own truth as you write. That honesty always pays dividends.

[Jacqui Lofthouse]

Angela, so glad it inspired you; it's always hard to admit fallibility and I appreciate your support.

Susan, good to 'see' you here and yes, absolutely, I have to keep learning this lesson too, over and again... hope to see you soon.

[Linda Sands]

I have just found you, and this blog.. and want to say THANKS. You are the saying the same things I have been saying, and struggling with the same issues. I appreciate your words, more than you can know.
I have so many irons in the fire, waiting for the one BIG HIT... the one thing that will allow me to let the other things go, to admit defeat possibly?? Yes, the idea of being called a quitter, even by myself, is frightening.
strange that your wise words would come to me so round about... I was googling writing places, as my newest venture is starting writing retreats for published and aspiring writers in the states- and going international in 2012... your post came up on the list, and I quoted you in my blog! Your voice sounded like the one in my head, so I kept reading your blog and... well, you have a new fan in me.
Perhaps we can speak about retreats/ motivation for writers/ cross promotions?
our site is writebythewater.com
we're also on FB
www.facebook.com/writebythewater
and twitter @writebythewater

my info's below.
All best,
Linda Sands

[Jacqui Lofthouse]

Linda, Lovely to 'meet' you here and I will find you on Facebook and Twitter shortly and look forward to connecting. I'm so glad that my words struck a chord with you. I am letting more and more things go these days, yet am still over-committed (see how my blog is silent, I'm not tweeting, nor sending out a newsletter - even today I had to let another commitment go and disappoint someone) yet I am working out ways in the future to balance my life more and I have a plan and know how it will work. Having just returned from a blissful week in Provence (the PERFECT place for a retreat by the way) I have more certainty than ever of the way forward. Take care and look forward to being in touch. Jacqui