Refuse to Choose

I've recently begun reading Refuse to Choose by Barbara Sher, as recommended on the blog of fellow creativity coach Cynthia Morris.  The subtitle is 'A Revolutionary Program for doing Everything that you Love'.  Well, I have to say this was too intriguing to resist and I simply had to get a copy.  The book is aimed at people who have many passions but find it difficult to commit to a single specialism.  These people, Sher calls 'Scanners'.  Sher argues that one does not have to commit.  You can 'do everything you love, freely, with passion, purpose, and real results.'

I wasn't sure, at first, whether I qualified as a 'Scanner' yet I had a feeling that I was one!  On the surface of it, I'm a writer, I've committed to the writing life.  I've published three novels and have nearly finished a fourth.  But then, there's that entrepreneurial streak I've spoken of, my desire to build my business further.  It's on hold, but it hasn't vanished.  There's my love of coaching too and my fascination for the work of other coaches.  Oh yes, and didn't I say something about wanting to study contemporary visual culture?  What about that little fantasy I have about auditioning for drama school when my kids are grown?  I also want to master the cello, the guitar, the sax and my own voice.  Wouldn't mind spending a little time studying fine art too...  Is Sher serious?  Can I really do all this? Might I not be better sticking with my specialism and getting the fourth novel finished?

Of course.  But that doesn't mean I can't also build the business.  And it doesn't mean that when I finished the fourth novel, I have to write a fifth.  OK, so doubtless I will.  But I could equally move onto the next focus and go for that second MA.  A passion doesn't have to be a career either. 

This is fascinating stuff.  It is liberating and intriguing.  I can't help but wonder whether we are all Scanners at heart - and perhaps this is the appeal of the book.  Perhaps Sher simply gives a name to human nature? 

I guess Sher is stating something explicity that I've often mused on.  What's that line of Pope:  'what oft was thought but ne'er so well expressed'.  The book has helped me to be clear about my own whimsical nature.  In particular I like her 'six year calendar' idea. And the LOVELY idea of keeping a 'Scanner daybook' where you allow your flights of fantasy free reign.  Just because you can't do it now (it's not your current focus) doesn't mean it shouldn't be put in the book in case you want to develop that strand of your life shortly... 

I'm clearer too about my ability to balance my writing with my business.  I must always honour my writing, each day.  But in fact, there is time for both, which is exciting.

Are you a Scanner?  Do tell.

Comments

[Marie]

Hi Jacqui

Thanks for recommending that book, it sounds like I may be a scanner too. I love writing but I also love singing and still dream of becoming a professional singer one day. I also love art, but I'm afraid I don't think I'm a good enough artist. When I was younger I also thought about becoming an actress. But it's writing and music that are my main creative passions.

[Jacqui Lofthouse]

Hi Marie,

Good to hear there are other 'scanners' out there. I'm planning to pursue the singing at some point shortly. I happened to hear of a singing teacher who taught a pupil one of my favourite songs, Joni Mitchell's 'Twisted' so I'm intrigued. Don't avoid the art for not thinking you're good enough though... there's plenty of years to practice... Jacqui

[mad muthas]

hello - nice to meet you today. wish we'd been able to speak more. next time, maybe?
x

[genevieve]

I have reached a point in my life where I can finally reconcile the writing impulse with other talents - and it's mainly by honouring it, as you say so wisely, Jacqui, that this happens. But at the same time, I haven't played an instrument for quite some time now, though I still sing in the car and do the occasional warmup at home. It's very hard when kids are younger to honour all the things we probably should do, but your life does open up - for some of us, especially once they start to drive, or just get out of the house on their own occasionally. Then before you know it, you are looking at the possibility of carving some serious time out for yourself. Of course there are always limits, but I agree, never say never. (Though that is a lot of instruments, Jacqui - wow.)

[Oh Man]

I am terrified that I am a scanner! Oh dear. I have always wanted to find my profession, my discipline as I have basically been in school for the last 10 years. I just graduated with a Masters from Oxford and I am still unsatisfied. I look at jobs, talk to people about my interests, many who are willing to help me make connections for me, but I am terrified to commit wondering if I will be bored or underqualified which would make me look foolish. The problem is that just as everything is interesting it is as equally uninteresting. As others have said about perfection, if I don't think I can do it perfectly or be accomplished at it, I won't do it or I feel bad about my work and quit the project/interest, yet feel incomplete. couple all of this with a low self-esteem and you're screwed as faor making a decision. I can't wait to read this book, Refuse to Choose. I am just really concerned that I will never progress at anything and get stuck in this cycle and then end up broke in the process. I also have an obsession with doing something novel. I want to explore something and then hear that someone else is doing it and I automatically get turned off. Does anyone else have this problem?

[Layla]

Oh man, I understand!! :)

I automatically get turned off if I hear someone else is doing it too!! :)
So I have to talk myself back to, 'Oh, but no one is doing it in this exact same way, or this way...'

I've read Refuse to Choose and it was wonderful, I'm still having some troubles to balance it all lol... I think I need to read it at least yearly too, especially every time I might get frustrated with my accomplishments (or lack of!) or such!!

How did everyone else find Refuse to Choose? Did you find it helpful? Or just enlightening and not very 'actionable'? (Or maybe it's just because I didn't actually do all the steps 1st time around - I started a Scanner Daybook now that I'm reading it the 2nd time!!)

[Jacqui Lofthouse]

Thanks for your post Layla, bringing me back to this post I wrote a long time ago. I remain a scanner (taking art history classes now and thinking of drama this year) but as the years pass, I also realise the power of focus. I am only now finishing my fourth novel (after several re-edits) and I know this is because I balance writing with running a business and having a family. As I move forwards, I will continue to try to focus. Leo Babauta's 'The Power of Less' is very good in this respect.

This blog is dormant right now, but my new website with blog will launch soon, hopefully in February.